A Week Away!

Dear Elysia,

Well, today is Friday, the 30th of January..do you know what that means?? We're just a week away from the big day!!!!! I had my last doctor's appointment yesterday and I realized that the next time I would see you would be in real life...that I would get to hold you and gaze at your beautiful face instead of just dreaming up what you would look like and feel like!!!! It is so surreal that this is all going to be real finally! It feels like I've been pregnant with you forever and with taking care of Ayden the whole time and being so busy with that, it's flown by and dragged by at the same time!

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with you now. You've made it 2 weeks longer than your sister did! It's crazy that already you're making sure we know that you're different from Ayden ;) It's kinda nice to know that my body can handle a bigger baby, that I can keep you in as long as you need. My doctor did say that you are a little smaller than Ayden but now that you've made it longer than she did, you're going to be a little bigger than she was when she came into the world. She was 6 and a half pounds and you're at about 7 pounds now. If you make it through this next week, you'll be about 7 and a half pounds! For me, that seems so big because of how small Ayden was but, you're gonna be a tiny little thing just like she was :) I keep trying to remember what it was like having such a little person to take care of...a little body that could fit in the crook of one arm so easily...little tiny hands that could barely wrap around one of my fingers :) I can't wait to see you! Talking about it is making it even harder haha I was looking at pictures of breech baby positions and stuff and then it started bringing up pictures of babies born at 38 weeks and they were all so cute and little and it got me very anxious to have you in my arms already! But, if I've made it this far..I can make it another week, right?? Yeah..that's the spirit!

I'm dying here sweetie haha it's crazy how long the last month of a pregnancy feels! Like, I just looked back and I remember when we set up the C-Section date that marked 3 weeks until we would meet you! Now, those 2 weeks dragged but looking back it seems to have almost (not quite, but almost) flown by! I'm preparing as much as possible, I mean as much as I can prepare. I know that I can't really prepare myself mentally for what it's going to be like having both you and your sister to take care of. There's no telling the challenges we'll face because even in talking to friends and peers, their situation is different than ours. Everyone goes through different things and I am just expecting to feel a little overwhelmed and most likely unsure of myself. All I know is that I can only do my best and we'll get through it! I have hopes for having an easier time with breastfeeding and I'm excited to have the baby wrap I made to carry you around in and I hope you and your sister will get along way well and that we'll be able to work ourselves into a good groove together :) It's gonna take some time to get the hang of things so, hopefully you guys will forgive your mom and dad if we get a little frazzled and irritable..I hope to be able to keep the mindset of just making the most of our moments together and working things out the best that I can! Things won't be perfect and I get the feeling that it's going to be pretty rough for a while but, man! I can't wait to start this new adventure with you, come what may!! :)

I'm not a perfect person or mother. I'm telling you that right now so, don't go expecting too much out of me ;) But, I will always try my hardest to be the best mom I can be for you and your siblings! I hope you will always know, even when I'm frustrated or exhausted and struggling to get us through the day, that I absolutely and unconditionally love you!! I really do. It's not easy being a mom. Life's not meant to be particularly easy. But, I love love love being your mom! I can already tell you that much, if I knew nothing else, I would know that!

Love, Mommy